How To Survive Your Flight

There are many misconceptions about flying which leads to a sometimes contentious relationship between passenger and flight attendant. Even the sweetest flight attendant can get a bit testy around duty hour ten…

 

You get on the plane and immediately greet the stewardess. That’s your first mistake. If you call me a stewardess, I WILL assume that you think I’m eighty years old, AKA, a sky hag. You are now on my shit-list. But I love all my passengers so let me tell you how to properly win over your FA.

Sith Lord - How I think I look when you call me a stewardess

Best greeting:

“Hey, how’s it goin’? First leg?”

Casual and yet, you’ve made my heart go pitter-patter because most likely, it’s not my first leg, it’s my third or fourth. But the fact that you’ve made me believe that it LOOKS like it’s only my first leg has me swooning.

If you want to be the ultimate kiss-ass (and I approve), throw in a “Thanks for being here.”

The first time I heard that, I almost did a double-take. I thought, of course I’m here, it’s my job. But by the person saying that, it made me feel like they get it. I’m not just here to serve peanuts, I’m here to help evacuate 143 people in sixty seconds, save someone’s life if they go into cardiac arrest, or be the last line of defense in a hijacking situation.

Best Recovery after being caught without your seat belt on:

“Oh, thank you. I’m sorry.” *This is the part where you actually put it on.

Thanking us means you realize that we’re trying to save you life. Were not just on a power trip. Honestly, some flight attendants might be, but by replying with a “thank you”, I honestly think that the humbleness takes them down a peg and makes them realize how rude THEY are being.

Futurama Fry - My face when a PAX interrupts my safety demo

You order your drink and ask for a straw and now the Sky Cop is glaring at you…

Try to laugh it off and explain your reasoning. For example, “I’m sorry, my teeth are kind of sensitive so the straw helps.”

By laughing it off, we flight attendants see that you realize it’s a high-maintenance request unless you’re a toddler. However, as flight attendants we DO like taking care of people, so by saying the straw aids your sensitive teeth, we feel more like caretakers than slaves.

 

Best Recovery after ordering two ice cubes in your beverage:

There is no recovery. There is a special place for you…

Trologirl - Oh that's funny... You think I'm actually going to give you two ice cubes

Best Apology when your giant-ass bag doesn’t fit in the overhead bin.

“I’m sorry, I knew I should have checked this. Next time…” Then you step out of the aisle and let other past you, this will earn the awe of you flight attendants. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FIGHT UPSTREAM THROUGH THE AISLE.

willy wonka - My face when I watch pax try to cram their giant a** bag into the ohb after I them it wouldn't fit

Best way to request more peanuts after you’ve hit the call button (which won’t make us happy):

batman slap robin - I can't be held responsible for my actions if you're the 10th pax to hit the fa call button

Unless you’re on the window and don’t want to disturb your seatmates, please don’t hit your call button for peanuts, come to the galley and ask. Every time we hear the call button, our first response is to assume it’s an emergency. So if you beckon us thus, best do it in a verrrrry nice way.

“Those peanuts are such a treat, is it okay if I have a couple more?”

Don’t tell us you’re hungry because then we’ll think you’re dumb for not getting food to bring on the five hour flight. Tell us you want more because they’re tasty though, and we’ll be flattered that you like our product. We’ll think you’re crazy (because most likely we’re over them overselves), but we’ll appreciate it.

That’s a start, now go forth and do your best not to piss your flight attendant off, after all, they’re there to save your life.

XOXO The Luv Aviatrix

 

 

About TheLuvAviatrix

Flight Attendant by day, Published romance writer by night, the Aviatrix…that’s me…likes to live on the edge. My super powers include saving lives, making oversize carry-on bags disappear in the blink of an eye and creating awe-inspiring sculptures out of pretzel bags. Oh, and did I mention that I write those scandalous delicious romance novels with love scenes that will melt your kindle?

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